you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
