So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
