I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
