I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
