how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
