so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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