i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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