I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
