this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
