I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
