is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
