i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
