The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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