I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think my vagina is haunted
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
