Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
