You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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