Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
