is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
