she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
