He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
