Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
