Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
