the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
