Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
