when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
