paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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