I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
