I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
