Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
