my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
