Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
