I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
