I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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