Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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