I faked an abortion last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
