I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
