Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
