I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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