How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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