Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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