sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
