If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
