Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
