Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
