im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
