Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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