the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
