there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
