You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
