i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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