Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
