dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
