It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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