he shaved USA in his pubs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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